Many years ago there was a small town that had several bakeries.

One of these was run by the aunts of a man named Penn who was a Pirate.

He and his aunts baked the best pies in the state.

Not only that, but they were also the least expensive.

Now the other bakers could make equally delicious pies,

but Penn always sold more, for no one could beat.......

.the 'pie rates of Penn's aunts'.

Funny rhymes with punny so it works for me!

Whoever thought up the word mammogram?
Every time I hear it, I think I'm supposed to put my breast in an envelope and send it to someone. 



 

Children’s Letters to God
 
Dear GOD,
   In school they told us what You do.
   Who does it when You are on vacation?
 
Dear GOD,
   Are you really invisible or is that just a trick?
 
Dear GOD,
   Is it true my father won't get in Heaven if he uses his bowling words in the house?
 
Dear GOD,
   Did you mean for the giraffe to look like that or was it an accident?
 
Dear GOD,
   Instead of letting people die and having to make new ones,
   why don't You just keep the ones You have now?
 
Dear GOD,
   Who draws the lines around the countries?
 
Dear GOD,
   I went to this wedding and they kissed right in church.  Is that okay?
 
Dear GOD,
   Thank you for the baby brother, but what I prayed for was a puppy.
 
Dear GOD,
   It rained for our whole vacation and is my father mad!
   He said some things about You that people are not supposed to say,
   but I hope You will not hurt him anyway.
  Your friend (But I am not going to tell you who I am)
 
Dear GOD,
   Why is Sunday school on Sunday?
   I thought it was supposed to be our day of rest.
 
Dear GOD,
   Please send me a pony.
   I never asked for anything before, You can look it up.
   
 Dear GOD,
 If You give me a genie lamp like Aladin, I will give you anything you want except my money and my chess set.
                
 
 Dear GOD,
   Maybe Cain and Abel would not kill each other so much if they had their own rooms.  
   It works with my brother.
   
Dear GOD,
   I want to be just like my Daddy when I get big but not with so much hair all over.
 
Dear GOD,
   I think the stapler is one of your greatest inventions.
 
 Dear GOD,
   If You watch me in church Sunday, I'll show You my new shoes.
 
 Dear GOD,
   I would like to live 900 years like the guy in the Bible.
 
 Dear GOD,
   We read Thomas Edison made light.  But in school they said You did it.
   So I bet he stole your idea.
 

These are test questions from exams given to High School Students :
(Says a lot about our educational system, doesn't it?)

 Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.
 
Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow.
 
Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon.  All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature hates a vacuum.
I forget where the sun joins in this fight.
 
Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.
 
Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.
 
Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.
 
Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes?
A: Premature death. 
 
Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized?
A: The body is consisted into three parts -- the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity.
The brainium contains the brain; the borax contains the heart and lungs,
and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels A, E, I, O, and U.
 
Q: What is the fibula?
A: A small lie.
 
Q: What does varicose mean?
A: Nearby.
 
Q: Give the meaning of the term Caesarian Section?
A: The Caesarian Section is a district in Rome
 
Q: What does the word benign mean?
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.