Like reading these, but not feeling too funny to find or think of any  

One evening, I went with my parents to a fancy restaurant.

My Dad was about halfway through his meal when he took a hard look at the potato,

called the waitress over and said, "This potato is bad!"

To my utter amazement, the waitress at this "5-Star" place, picked the potato up, smacked it,

put it back on the plate, then told my Dad,

"If that potato causes any more trouble, just let me know."

I wish I had a small truck so I could take advantage of a contract hauling opportunity I saw mentioned the other day.

Seems a water-garden company wants a load of frogs delivered, but they have to be delivered in a special bog-like container that will fit in a pickup truck's bed.

They'll pay in food, which is exactly what I like best!

For each load delivered, the company will provide one enormous home-baked casserole with a crust of Middle Eastern flat bread.

That's right: A pita pie per pickup pack of puddled peepers. 
 

A Sunday School teacher asked her class, "Does anyone here know what we mean by sins of omission?"

A small girl replied: "Aren't those the sins we should have committed, but didn't?" 
 

Questions that probably shouldn't be answered...  

Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?

Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?

If horrific means to make horrible, does terrific mean to make terrible?

How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?

Is there another word for 'synonym'?

What happens if you get scared to death twice?

Is it possible to be totally partial?

What’s another word for Thesaurus?